Forgiveness

So, someone hurt your feelings, dishonored you, broke a commitment and left you to figure your emotions out by yourself. Is there an apology in sight or even then is it good enough or worth it? I am currently reading the 5 Languages of Apology by Gary Chapman; it has great insight into the art of apologies, how they effect relationships, friendships and marriages. One of the key points is the difference between forgiveness and trust. It has brought great light into my own life with the simple realization that forgiveness is a decision and trust is an emotion. People come to you and ask for your forgiveness and there are two options; you forgive or you don't (plus the fuzzy it may take me some time). They can't simply ask you to forget what they have done and trust you, there is some acquisition and time in building that trust back. And it doesn't happen overnight. What then is at the core of trust, how is trust regained in any type of relationship? Transparency and honesty, this means doing anything you can to alleviate the gut feeling of mistrust, this means proving that you will be on time by showing up on time, opening anything that might cause distrust for the other person. Why should you have to do that, why can't someone just simply trust that there has been a change from the wrong doing? There has been a violation of that trust and its not something that repairs simply by your words; for example let's parallel this to other emotions sadness, anger, or even love. Do they simply go away over night, no they can grow but they do not just disappear. After looking at apology, forgiveness and trust while reading this book; I have learned several important points. Apologize in a way that you know the offended will respond, forgive because God forgave you (but its okay if it takes time, ask God to help you forgive), and trust well it must be rebuilt.

Here are some key quotes from the reading:

"The person who refuses to recognize the need for an apology will have a life filled with broken relationships."

"Like a mouse caught in a trap he didn't want to jam himself in further by talking about his misdeeds."

"Don't let the fear of failure to keep you from taking the first steps down the road of repentance and success."

"Forgiveness results in restoration. This does not mean that trust is immediately restored."

"Forgiveness is a decision, Trust is an emotion!"

"Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a commitment to accept the person in spite of what she or he has done. It is a decision not to demand justice but to show mercy."